**Why does parenting hurt?**

Losing a teenage kid to the rest of the world hurts worse than the end of any relationship. Screw boyfriends and significant others. This one rips the heart right out - think of that scene in the Indiana Jones movie in that spooky cave where they modelled some bizarre perversion of voodoo and ancient Inca custom by reaching into some poor fool's chest and ripping out a beating heart. Yep that is ultimately the end result of parenting, I fear.

My last born, on the cusp of turning 18 has announced that instead of continuing with his AP and college classes (which he is taking to avoid being totally dumbed down at his high school) he wants to drop his classes, abandon his underground newspaper, his garage band, finish his last required English credit on line and move to Italy for the semester.

Now before you respond with "what the fuck is your problem; it is not as though the kid has come home and told you his girlfriend is pregnant, or that he is married, or that he is entering a methadone program to kick his heroine habit...." I just want to say that shock is a relative thing. This is a kid who a month ago hadn't mentioned a thing. Four months ago he was focused on these classes, his girlfriend, a newspaper he started and playing soccer and ultimate frisbee. And let's not forget a damn good garage band. Now all that stuff is being pushed aside.

OK in the interests of full disclosure, I have to say that Italy is not some random idea. He has been there twice before. Once about five years ago and once while my daughter and I moved cross country to the west coast. You see, his father lives there. It makes sense now doesn't it? But as time and blogging will reveal, his father is a mixed bag at best.

I totally get the "want to spend time with dad" thing. And I am sure that is part of it. I can, intellectually at least, understand the desired to connect with one's father regardless of who he is. I actually think it is a good idea in principle. He should get to know the guy. His most consistent memories of him are probably from a handful of visits over the year - none longer than two weeks - and what he can remember from his early childhood before we split. My son has harbored a longstanding "pedestal" complex. A good long visit should handle that well enough.

What concerns me more is the abandonment of his life here on the cusp of college admissions. And why can't this trip wait for the summer. No reasons he has mentioned seem, on their own to be sufficient... except the heart-ripping one - he needs to get away from me.