**Sin City**

Well, I just got back from a place I never would have chosen to visit. But the temptation of seeing my dear friend and two days of wandering around among building upon building of media technology was too much to resist.

I learned a lot about glidecams, jibs, HD cameras, i/o breakout boxes, and much more. I gotta attend this conference again. I arrived on the last day of the NAB conference and intended to spend Friday taking in all that is Las Vegas. But an academic conference for broadcasters began the next day and I was lured into some Apple training sessions and ended up staying all day learning Aperature, multicam editing on FCP, HD compatibility with FCP, and a session on Motion. All geekspeak and frankly a sad statement about how I ended up spending my weekend to "cut loose" with the one person who would never kiss and tell. But alas, we both apparently are geeks cause he was right there at the workshops with me.

My most outrageous moment in the city of secrets, sharing a entire PITCHER of sangria over the BEST tapas I ever have tasted. Yep, that is the extent of my wildness.

Most of my pictures were taken on the way to the airport,






























































with the exception of the Star Trek themed slot bar area in my hotel. Almost justified how little I went out:





















Date update: Only spent one evening with him so far - glass of wine and then, though not planned - dinner. We seem to be hitting it off. That was just a week ago. Have talked to him on the phone or exchanged emails almost daily. He surprised me at the airport when I returned last night at midnight. Bonus points for that. Tomorrow, I will see him again. Bike riding in Portland is the plan. Weather will cooperate. My writing deadlines will not.

**Oh, what a beautiful weekend**

This is one of those weekends that helps you to forget the rain that permeates the winters in this part of the country. LeAnn, you would have wanted to be here this weekend. Sunny, 70s.

I even managed to get outside this weekend, in spite of my writing deadline. I did yard work. It was so beautiful, I didn't even mind. I now have edges around my yard. Actually gutters would be more accurate. I guess I got carried away with edger.

I had my yard powerraked, aerated, seeded, fertilized, and limed. It looks like a hurricane went through the yard. Still have some weeding to do and the vegetable garden still is not planted. Argh.

On the upside I had a date this weekend. Miracles happen.

**Thoughts from a friend**

My dear friend, who knew me back when I was still married, sent me an Easter card and I responded with a quick update of life (see previous posts). He sent me a nice email reminding me that I could at least hold onto the symbolic victory of the court's recognition of my effects. He quoted Orwell in a testament to my efforts:

But the thing that I saw in your face
No power can disinherit
No bomb that ever burst
Shatters the crystal spirit.

So I am left to take comfort from the little recognition the court did acknowledge after 12 years of scrimping and saving:

Based on the evidence, the court finds the father is voluntarily underemployed. He chooses to live in Italy where there is signficiantly less pay and less opportunity. There was no evidence that his children were primary in any of his decision-making. Although his primary responsibility was still to his minor children, all of his decisions were based on the needs of his new wife and himself....

The father has known for ten years this expense was imminent, yet there was no evidence he made any financial plans to fulfill his commitment. The evidence confirmed that despite the diligence of mother and the children in obtaining scholarships, the college expenses will, at times extend beyond what father's regular child support would be for that child under the guidelines. To force mother to bear this burden at twice the rate of the father and cap the father's obligation under the statute would be patently unjust, and create an oppressive obligation for mother with no evidence that she could possibly satisfy it. Father's argument that he can't fulfill his promised obligation is based on choice, not on ability. The evidence was clear that since the dissolution, mother has worked hard and long to obtain a high level of education to increase her earning power and maximinze her potential. In addition, mother has relied on the parties' agreement in formulating her financial plans to include her responsibility for the college expenses. Contrarily, father has choiser to live where opportunity is scares but life is "healthier." Instead of preparing for his upcoming obligation to his chidren, father maintained his "healthy" lifestyle by taking a year long sabbatical....

Still, in the end, this is feel good language, but won't cover fall tuition.

**The sitemeter**

I woke up this morning and while I was checking email I thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea that I said "fuck" in my blog last night. Maybe I should change it. Then as I was purusing the sitemeter info, I notices that someone from Bulgaria was on my site. I look at the referring URL. It was a search engine. The search words? "He fucked me." Now that made me laugh. What could this dude (or dudette) possibly be looking for?

**One thing I miss about a partner**

Today was a hard day. About 10 minutes before I taught my last class for the week the court's decision showed up in my email box.

As expected it was a mixed bag of results. They imputed income to my ex, but probably only half of what he could have been making if he, like me, had made supporting his kids a priority and held a steady job. Most public school teachers make more than academics anyway.

But the tragedy in the court's analysis was that the conservative imputation of income made our incomes more disparate and thus opened up the settlement agreement for modification. This was what I feared would happen, because common law and statutory law were not in my favor (Thank you Chalot and the fucking "father's rights-to-screw-their kids' movement). The court, thankfully held up the part of the agreement requiring we pay for up to five years of undergraduate education. And the court kept an expansive view of what was a "college expense." But the court changed the ratio from the 50:50 we had agreed on (even though our incomes were never even-when we signed it the ex made more than me), to 63:37. So I now am responsible for two thirds of medical, dental and education costs retroactive back to Nov. 2004 (when my daughter turned 19 and the first legal filing occured).

So in effect, because I worked steadily and tried to increase my income, and he fucked around and refused to work consistently, I get to pay more of college now. If I had, instead, squandered my savings on a year's vacation or took my kids' college fund and paid off MY mortgage, or never took an academic position and stayed in Colorado and maybe married the man that my niece believes was "just not that into me," my ex could be paying the majority of the educational costs.

I get no legals fees and was actually assess $900.00 of legal fees for the ex, because his attorney didn't get our discovery on time (because my attorney's office didn't send it until right before trial even though I sent it 4 months earlier). Yes I will be asking my attorney to cover that part of the ruling.

For all I know the debacle could continue. His attorney keeps hinting at appealing. There was nothing in the judges ruling addresses how to compel the ex to pay. There are many loose ends.

Welcome to the American Court of "Equity."

So to the point of all this. This is when I miss having a partner who would give me a hug, let me cry a bit, and tell me everything will be alright. I could use that. There has never really been anyone who I could talk to who will just listen. Everyone is too busy to just listen. Never had it in my marriage. Never had it in the 12 years since. I have spent my whole life having to be strong. By myself. And I am exhausted.

**Correcting the Record**

My son, in response to my re-telling of the story in the previous post:

" I didn't have the knife - E. did. I had the machete."

**It was my brother who had the knife!**

This was my daughter's response to a comment I made in our conversation this evening. She mentioned at one point how cool her brother is. That characterization came about as part of a larger conversation on how her father has done nothing to help either of them attain their educational goals. But when all is said and done they will be just fine and then, I hope they remember the people who were there for them:

Aunts, uncles and a grandmother and cousin who do things like:

• pick them up at the airport
• house and feed them over breaks
• offer cars for transportation
• help them find meaningful summer work when it looks like flipping burgers may be the only option
• visit them in foreign countries for holidays so they are not alone
• open their home as a base for summer employment

I love my family.

But to get back to the statement that heads up this entry, I reminded my daughter that she can be there for her brother over the next few years helping him in some of these ways as he winds up college. It was at this point that she then commented that her brother was cool.

I took this opportunity to remind her that they didn't always get along so well. I would sometime get calls after school with "he did this or she did that." My response was, if there was no arterial bleeding then don't bother me at work. So I told my daughter in this evening's conversation that I remember getting a frantic call at the office one late afternoon with the words, "E. has a knife and she is going to kill me." My daughter emphatically and quickly corrected the record, "It was my brother who had the knife!"

My thought:

Did it really matter?

**Some new favorite phrases**

Went to a luau last night. As part of the cultural education I learned a new phrase. Chill-ax. It is going up on my office door tomorrow morning.

I also watch Cold Mountain again. It was more powerful than I remembered it. One of the final lines stuck with me as Ada summed up her life of waiting for Inman, him coming home and then her carrying on without him.

"Clouds, clouds... and then sun. "

That is how my life has felt these past 15 years. Lot's of clouds. But in recent years... Sun.