**Parenting 2004**

I am thinking today about how one balances responsible parenting with this "hands-off," "gotta let the kid figure it out on his own," "a young man needs to be impetuous and impatient and make mistakes" mantra....crap. I am pretty sure now that as a parent who actually gives a shit about what happens to her son, that simply

A PARENT WILL NOT EMERGE FROM PARENTING UNSCATHED.

There seem to be two parenting options in the long run (barring blatant neglect) be irresponsible as a parent, or to be pro-active and prepare for your child to hate you for an indeterminant amount of time. My parents' generation was of the mind that it was best to do the latter. And I hated my parents for much of my teen years. Well not my Dad, but it was because he was never around (am I having deja vu with my own son here?).

I, on the other hand seem, to be part of a parenting generation that puts a lot of effort into being "friends" with one's kids. I totally bought into that for much of my kids' youth. But I gotta tell you, it is much harder ground to navigate. And by the way, have anyone noticed how fucked up kids are these days? It is undoubtedly worse than it was when I was a teen, in spite of the impression that the movie "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" might leave. Hell it could be TV, video games and the Internet too, but let's give my generation at least a little credit for messing up their legacies.

But with my son... be it that time in his life or be it that our relationship was defined in a way that leaves no space for parental wisdom, he considers my advice with what amounts to a passing dismissal. I almost wish he would outright reject what I say with a fervor that I can assign to the age appropriate rebellious attitude. It feels more that I am just ignored. Invisible. Wait, when did I last feel this way? Was it.....

when I was a teenager?!

I take little comfort in my friend's comments that someday he will realize that I was an amazing mother. (By the way, by all objective standards, I pretty much was.) Could this be self-righteousness that I am feeling?