**The 'WINK'**

I have been tinkering with Internet dating of one version or another for about 3 months. It has an interesting allure.

There is a weird voyeuristic "shopping" quality as you work through databases like Match.com. The sheer numbers make you develop interesting filtering strategies.

Even if the better side of yourself doesn't use physical characteristics as a key initial factor (I for one seem to go for the eyes) one never really considers a person who doesn't post a picture.

Then there is the tendency to not read beyond the first paragraph if your interest isn't captured. Match.com is the MTV of dating - short attention spans, quick reads, scan the pix, and then move on. The service is set up to feed into an impulsive, quick decision-making process. Users probably yield enough inquiries from prospective matches that that they keep re-upping their subscription.

I have been getting more "winks." Winks are the stupidest thing in the world, by the way, because all a wink means is that a person isn't willing to make an effort to actually send an email saying "hi" look at my profile and email me if you are interested.

I have this theory that some guys just whip through pictures and click the "wink" button with vigor going for absolute numbers in hopes of generating a response from a small percent.

More often than not I write back (cause I hate ignoring anyone, clicking on the "not interested" button is, to me, as obnoxious as a wink, although sometimes I do it). When I write back, typically I ask what they possibly think we might have in common (maybe framed a little more delicately).

One guy actually emailed me and asked me to look at his profile cause he thought we might be good match. I looked and this is a guy with a toddler, is politically conservative, likes playing golf... I am thinking,

"ARE YOU KIDDING?! Have some self control with that damn wink!"

**It takes a village to find me a date**

Well if you have been suffering through my postings over the past few months, you will know that I have tried Internet dating services. I am ready to pass judgment on the experience so climb aboard for the ride.

My first effort was to lurk on Match.com (which means I posted a profile but did not join). I used a nearby zipcode so my hometown wasn't listed. Probably a combination of privacy and humiliation drove that decision.

I have to tell you that the people who indicated interest in me, typically using the highly refined and sophisticated form of Match.com communication known as "winking," made me 1) really worried that I was a total loser and 2) really glad I didn't list my real hometown. I concluded it was a grand meat market and moved on to "higher end" dating services.

On the advice of several people, apparently well versed with the world of Internet dating, I explored eHarmony.com. I succumbed to the ad copy that beckoned, "Take the eHarmony Personality Profile and get instant, objective feedback on yourself and how you relate to others." Sounds harmless, could provide insight into my soul....

Damn thing took hours to fill out. But I got my personality profile and by all indications I am not too much of a freak.

Well, if I didn't wake up one morning and find in my email, two messages from eHarmony telling introducing me to Lou and Tim. Well, I went right on line and found me a two-months-for-the-price-of-one coupon and joined, because these guys were carefully selected, right? Much better than a meat market.

I spent two months with that service was sent a total of 7 names (from a database that included a major city!). Only one responded. And he was absolutely uninspiring. Never had anything of substance to say. I guess that profile didn't quite pick up on the fact that I would actually like to have an intelligent conversation with someone.

My membership ran out, but I still receive an occasional match. The last two have been intensely religious.

Missed the boat on that one too, eHarmony.

My Internet dating gurus convinced me that the numbers game with Match.com made it a better choice. So I went and actively looked for people. I have had better success, although the vast majority are not interested. No one interesting has approached me. So I contact complete strangers. Fascinating process. You get used to the rejection (this must be what happens to telephone solicitors). Most don't respond and it is interesting how one can become slightly grateful for those who at least take the time to email back and say they are not interested.

I have been in contact with one person. I saw his profile and realized he contained two qualities that caught my attention. We may meet next week. I am supposed to find a restaurant somewhere between here and his home, which is about 60 miles away. I rarely get out of my town so this is a daunting task (he asked that I not select a corporate restaurant - how cute and yet it completely eliminates the ENTIRE I-5 corridor). So I spent my lunch time at a media conference yesterday drilling those at the table (strangers for the most part) for restaurant recommendations. One guy even called his wife on his Blackberry seeking suggestions.

There was much merriment and joking at my expense at that table.

Once again, the future of my first blind date is in the hands of a "village."

**How to be ungrateful**

The saga of colleges continues. My son, bless his lucky heart, managed to get into his first choice college of engineering. To boot, he received a financial aid package that was unmatched by any other school, save my alma mater.

So his fav. college seems to be the choice. The only challenge: coming up with the "family contribution" that totals half my take home salary. His father will not help vountarily, even though the family contribution includes an estimate of his income.

So I have to come up with that too. Swine ex.

Part of my solution is to ask my son to work this summer to contribute to the cost of college.

Originally he was keen on being away for the summer and working for my brother. Good money, bad influence.

Now he has decided he misses his girlfriend and wants to stay in the local area for the summer.

Understandable and it looked possible... for a bit.

Then his one job option (the one employer who would give him a job sight unseen) fell through.

So unless he can rally his friends here to help find him a job, he likely will have to go east.

And for that he is apparently PISSED AT ME.

Now how is it that I, the one who is telling him that I will come up with the bulk of the college money, even if I have to sell my house (which is a REAL possibility) is the one he gets annoyed with. His father is doing squat.

THAT is how to be ungrateful.

**How can this be?**

I am a francophobe!

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

**Failed attempt to replace Peter Jennings**

It was with great sadness that we learned of the Peter Jenning's battle with lung cancer. It means that a replacement is necessary, even if on a temporary basis.

Unfinished Life has obtained heretofore unpublished photos of a final contender for the anchor seat, next to a co-anchor destined to be the next Katie Couric. But that is another story.

Shiloh made her broadcast review with style. She was controlled and professional:


Until.... without warning...a story on feline dysentary. Shiloh tried to leap over the desk. Swine felines.


She blew her chance for fame. But.. fortunately Shiloh's manager had secured a two year contract and while the network could pull her off the air, they had to pay her nonetheless.

So they put her on the studio cam. Let's just say... it didn't work out for physical limitations that did not fall under ADA protection.


Undaunted and a little desperate, executive producer had an idea. To justify this multi-million dollar contract, Shiloh was moved into master control to work as technical director.


It worked... for awhile... until she put up a graphic of a dog biscuit during the announcement of the new FDA food guidelines. Bad Shiloh!


Shiloh was escorted from the premises. The executive producer was sacked. Lawyers are involved. It is very ugly.