Well, this was a day where I managed to have a headache even with sufficient caffeine intake. I was up early this morning looking at my backyard as it rained and thought, I really don't want to go to work today - it feels nice just to hang out on my futon and watch the rain, drinking a homemade latte, watching the pup sleeping after a long night... sleeping.
I should have listened to that little voice in my head and stayed home.
My day consisted of reading and responding to a rather painfully sad email from post-divorce-long-term-long-distance-relationship-guy who never could make the big commitment, so to speak, wishing me a happy mother's day and reminding me that he will always love me.... I responded, making reference to the need to move on and trying to find some kind of happiness in my current life.... (I don't want to go into all the details right now... still processing) My response led to a phone call from him where there was an apology for never being able to take that final step and that I needed to know it was because of him not me. I understood the kindness behind taking responsbility for TEN YEARS of this, but it didn't make it easier to handle the overwhelming sense of loss. I looked at his picture tonight and lost it. I miss him so much.
Well if that tidbit in my personal life wasn't enough to make my day completely suck, the critically important person who basically saves my ass on a daily basis at the radio station I advise, was deeply offended by the comments of a student and left me a voice mail saying he was not working the daily newscast the rest of the week (can't fire him because he does all this work for free). I have no coverage for the hour shift tomorrow and it is now 10:30 at night.
My head is throbbing and I have grading to do. Screw it.
I am going to bed and grading in the morning. I am in way too bad a mood to be allowed near a purple pen (I use purple because it is less intimidating than red. See what a sensitive teacher I am?).
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5 comments:
I love you, mom!
Give me a call if you would like to talk. I have lab, then triathlon training, then babysitting Sandy's kids but I will be back in my room around 9pm tonight.
Give Shiloh a big hug and do something fun for yourself; like going on a hike or trail ride.
and remember: it's only life!
Geesh, so your beloved first child can schedule you in between 9:00 and 9:12 for a heart-to-heart.
Again, I'm not really the one to be giving anyone advise on men. But, just move on (I know easier said than done) and try to avoid drama. Life is difficult enough to deal with even without drama.
Or you could do what Cari does and block his e-mail and phone number.
I'm sorry to hear you are sad and down :-( No fun at all.
Men can definetly drag you down with their fear of commitment thing. As if saying "It's me not you" makes it any better. Been there done that one.
Sending good karma and prayers for peace your way.
Here's an idea, Nancy: Pour a nice glass of wine. Drink it. Make a large fire - the bigger the better - and burn the picture!
Or you can go with the Sex and the City advice: He's just not that into you.
http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/excerpts/2004-09-08-hes-just_x.htm
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